Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is true: Back in the mid eighties, the producers of the muppet show attempted to make a comeback, recording several episodes of the series in secret. Most of these episodes (including the infamous show where fozzie teamed up with iron butterfly for a disappointing rendition of "Inna-gadda-davita") were destroyed, but one loyal member of Jim Henson's team managed to salvage one precious tape: the episode where the guest stars were none other than the members of Rush. This copy has remained a secret to the public...until now...

(scene opens with kermit the frog knocking on a dressing room door.)

(Alex opens the door)

(Kermit enters the room, a typical muppet dressing room filled with miscellaneous fuzzy things and sequins. Geddy sits in a chair tuning his bass while Neil drums lightly on a table; both look up when Kermit enters)

KERMIT: Hi guys! I just came to see if you're almost ready.

GEDDY: Yeah, we're ready to go. (puts down bass) Y'know, Kermit, we really appreciate you letting us come on the show tonight. It's not often that we get to do a gig in a smaller venue like this.

ALEX: Yeah, it's nice just to be able to just kick back and not feel encumbered by the effects of a big flashy arena show.

GEDDY: Excuse me, did you just say "Encumbered by the effects?"

ALEX: (staring at Geddy) Get over it Ged, it's getting old.

NEIL: But you know what the best thing about the Muppet Show is?

KERMIT: What's that?

NEIL: It's pretty anonymous here. I mean, we can go out, walk around, and not have to face screaming hordes of fans looking for a piece of us. We can just concentrate on the music.

KERMIT: Well, I promised you a calm, quiet show, and that's what you're going to get.

GEDDY: Well, let's get this show on the road.

KERMIT: Right!

(Kermit walks out of the 2nd floor dressing room, followed by Rush. Unfortunately, they are greeted by a pack of screaming muppets waving canadian flags and throwing pictures, underwear, and other muppets on the ground floor. After a few seconds of mass chaos, they start chanting "Rush! Rush! Rush!")

NEIL: (Glaring at Kermit) I thought you said it was going to be quiet.

KERMIT: (Gulping) This IS quiet.

(Cut to the front stage, where Kermit walks out for the traditional intro)

KERMIT: It's the muppet show, with our very special guests: Rush! YEEEEEAAAAAAH!!!!!

(The cast breaks into a newly composed version of the theme song)

*bomp, bomp, bomp, ba-da-da, bomp, bomp, bomp, ba-da-da-DA*

LADY MUPPETS: It's time to wave the Red Star,
	      The hashish buds we'll light,
	      It's time to start the witch hunt
              On the Muppet Show tonight!

MEN MUPPETS: It's time to put on ochre,
	     Ayn Rand is cool tonight,
	     It's time to dance to Cygnus
	     On the muppet show tonight...

(cut to the box seat)

STATLER & WALDORF: Why do folks love these rock stars?
		   I guess we'll never know...
		   I wish the P.M.R.C.
		   Would kick them off the show!

ALL MUPPETS: It's time to chain the snow dog,
	     It's time to burn the light,
	     It's time to get things started...

AUDIENCE: WHY DON'T YOU GET THINGS STARTED?

(quick shot of Bogart the janitor running past geddy in full priest of syrinx gear, doing a double take, shrugging, and running away)

KERMIT:  It's time to get things started on the
        Inspirational
	Rhythm Mystical
        Muppetational
	Rushian-sational

        THIS IS WHAT WE
	CALL THE MUPPET SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Gonzo blows his trumpet, but the opening synth note in "Subdivisions" come out. He stops blowing, but the note keeps playing Bom bom booom, bom bom boooooom...He starts beating the trumpet against the side of a wall to make it stop. It eventually blows up in his face.)

(Kermit walks out on stage)

KERMIT: Hi-ho, hi-ho, hi there, and WELcome to the Muppet Show! We've got not one, but THREE very special guests tonight: the members of Canadian Super Rock band, Rush! (applause) So to get things started...um, ah... (Alex's head peaks out at the side of the stage)

ALEX: (whispering) Psst! Psst! Kermit!

KERMIT: Er, excuse me.

(Kermit goes back stage where Geddy and Alex are waiting, looking grim)

KERMIT: What's wrong?

ALEX: We have a bit of a problem.

GEDDY: It's Neil. We can't find him.

KERMIT: What?!

ALEX: He was a little shook up by the welcome we got. Then he tried to go down the hall to use the bathroom and got mobbed by a bunch of chickens.

(a heard of clucking chickens comes rushing by Kermit and the boys. Each of them has a piece of Neil's shirt in her beak, and one lucky clucker has his drum sticks.)

GEDDY: After that, we just heard him say something about wanting to hide from the whole world, and we haven't seen him since.

KERMIT: (nervously) But, um, er...You guys are on first! (off stage, the audience chants "We want Rush! We want Rush!")

(Scooter enters, a little awestruck but still wanting to do a good job)

SCOOTER: Sorry guys, I can't find him anywhere.

ALEX: Rats!

(a swarm of rats appears)

HEAD RAT: Did somebody call us?

GEDDY ALEX & KERMIT: NO!!!

HEAD RAT: Well excuuuuuse us for living! (exit rats)

KERMIT: Look, can you do your first song without him?

GEDDY: Well, it'll sound kind of strange, but I guess we have to.

KERMIT: Well...(off stage chanting grows louder) I'm going to go introduce you. (Calls into intercom) Stand by for Trees!!!

(Kermit goes on stage)

KERMIT: Um, and now ladies and gentlemen, what you've all been waiting for: RUSH. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(the curtain goes up to reveal Geddy and Alex standing on stage with their instruments and an unmanned set of drums behind them. They are surrounded by several fuzzy muppet trees with angry eyes and big teeth. The Oaks are considerably taller than the maples)

GEDDY: (singing) There is unrest in the forest, there is trouble with the trees, for the maples want more sunlight and the oaks ignore their pleas

(during the instrumental, the maples begin to look rather mean and start growling at the oaks)

OAK 1: Aw, take you're whining somewhere else ya little twigs.

(Looking a little worried, Geddy and Alex exchange glances)

GEDDY: The trouble with the maples, and they're quite convinced they're right

MAPLE 2: YEAH!

GEDDY: ...They say the oaks are just too lofty, and they grab up all the light

MAPLE 1: Greedy pigs!!

GEDDY: (looking really worried now) But the oaks can't help they're feelings

OAK 2: Why don't you go back in the ground where you came from?

GEDDY: If they like the way they're made,

MAPLE 1: Your mother was a walnut!!!

GEDDY: (eyes darting around nervously) And they wonder why the maples

OAK 1: Who you callin' a walnut, ya big sap?!

GEDDY: ...Can't be happy in their shade

MAPLE 1: You, ya big hunk 'o drift wood!

OAK 1: I'll show ya driftwood you overgrown toothpick!

GEDDY: There is trouble in the forest, all the...WHOA!!!

(The music is inturrupted as one of the maples grabbs Geddy's bass and goes after an oak. The other trees dismantle Neil's drums and start throwing the pieces at each other as Alex and Geddy try to run for cover. The curtain comes down on the whole mess)

STATLER: You know, you hear a lot about endangered forests these days.

WALDORF: Too bad you don't hear about the DANGEROUS forests!

S & W: OH HO HO HO HO!!!!

(Backstage, alex and geddy come staggering in surrounded by the mass of still fighting trees. Geddy starts to walk away, but is stopped by Fozzie & Gonzo)

FOZZIE: Oh my gosh! Are you all right? Gonzo, he's injured! (Starts throwing ice packs at Geddy)

GEDDY: (ducking the ice) Wait, stop it!

FOZZIE: Hurry up, those face wounds can get bad if you don't fix them up.

GEDDY: Face wounds, what are you talking about? I wasn't hit.

FOZZIE: What do you mean you weren't hit? Look at the size of your nose!

(Geddy glares at Fozzie then walks away. Gonzo stares at Fozzie, aghast.)

GONZO: You insensitive clod!

(They both follow Geddy, Fozzie looking puzzled. Neil peaks above the table back stage, looks around, then cautiously comes out. Just then, Scooter comes running back stage and bumps into Neil).

SCOOTER: Umpf! (Looks up at Neil) Neil Peart! (Is awestruck for a second, but supresses it quickly) Everybody's looking for you, they're really worried.

NEIL: I know, I just couldn't deal with it. I thought this would be the one place where I wouldn't be hassled for autographs or pictures.

SCOOTER: Yeah, but everyone's looking forward to hearing you play. You're such a great drummer, it'd be a shame not to go on.

NEIL: Yeah, I guess I'm being kind of silly. C'mon, lets go find everyone. (starts looking more relaxed)

SCOOTER: Well, Kermit and Alex are supposed to meet me here in a little bit, so we can just wait here...just you and me...(his self control is starting to waver) me...hanging out...with Neil Peart...(trembles for a few seconds, he can no longer hold it in. He throws himself at Neils feet begging:) Just one autograph, Mr Peart! Please! I won't tell anyone, I promise you, please! (Neil looks freaked, then shakes scooter off his leg and runs away. Scooter is still begging) Please, please...um... (realizes he's alone.) Uh-oh. (Kermit and Alex enter)

KERMIT: Hi Scooter. Have you found Neil yet?

SCOOTER: Um, no. Haven't seen him for hours.

ALEX: Oh...well, that's okay. We'll keep looking.

KERMIT: (Speaking into the intercom): Stand by for Pigs in Space!

ANNOUNCER: And now it's time for another episode of..."PIIIIIGS IIIIIN SPAAAAAAAAACE!"

(shows the inside of the spaceship)

MISS PIGGY: Captian! There are visitors wishing to come aboard.

CAPTAIN 1: (sorry, don't remember their names) Are they friendly?

CAPTIAN 2: I am not sure. But I'm definately picking up strains of some rather strange music being emitted from the other ship.

MISS PIGGY: Music? THere's no sound in space you moron!

CAPTAIN 1: (gesturing to miss piggy) Don't we wish.

MISS PIGGY: Watch it, bacon brain.

CAPTIAN 2: The visitors are coming aboard.

(the side door opens. In walk Geddy and Alex wearing some rather bizarre robes and sun glasses)

MISS PIGGY: (gazing flirtatiously at Alex) Well greeeeeeetings! How can we help you strange...and handsome travelers today?

CAPTAIN 1: Take it easy First Mate Piggy, this is a space ship, not a diner.

GEDDY: We come from a planet light years away. We've spent the last few generations creating knowledge and art for men with hungry minds and open eyes.

ALEX: Now we are coming to reclaim the home where we belong.

GEDDY: But we have a problem.

CAPTAIN 2: What is this problem?

ALEX: Well...(breaks character for a second) our third um, captain, is going through a transitional period right now. (recovers) So we don't have anybody to announce our arrival at Megadon.

GEDDY: We were hoping that somebody on this ship would have a snazzy voice that we can use for our arrival.

MISS PIGGY: Oh, me! Me! I'll do it! (Starts snuggling up to Alex, whom she is clearly enamored with) In fact, maybe I can practice by whispering sweet nothings in your ear (bats her eyelashes)

GEDDY: Um, I don't know...

ALEX: (Irreverently) Yeah, I mean we're announcing the take over of our plannet, not an intergalactic pig calling contest! (he and everyone except Miss Piggy start laughing)

MISS PIGGY: I'll show you pig calling! HIIIII-YA!!!! (delivers a karate chop to Alex's stomach)

ALEX: GMMMF! (falls on the ground)

GEDDY: Well that's just great. Now we lost 2 captains! How am I supposed to take over Megadon by myself? (sighs) I'm just going to transport myself back to my other galaxy for another few generations.

(Cut to the box seat)

STATLER: Hey Geddy, why don't you transport us too?

WALDORF: Yeah, to a planet that doesn't have this show!

S&W: OH HO HO HO HO!!!

(Cut back to Geddy dissolving from the scene while the pigs look on confused. As the start trying to find where he went, we hear:)

ANNOUNCER: And that does it for this show. Tune in next time for another episode of PIIIIIIGS IIIIIN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

(backstage with kermit, alex, and geddy)

KERMIT: It's almost time for the final number, and we still haven't found Neil!

GEDDY: Hey wait, there he is! Hey Neil!

(We see Neil running panic stricken across the upper level of the stage)

NEIL: Not now! (Runs out of the scene)

(A few seconds later we see Animal chasing after Neil while Floyd chases after Animal)

ANIMAL: NE-IL! NE-IL!

FLOYD: No! No! Bad Animal! Heel! Heel!

ALEX: Y'know, he's really starting to over react here.

KERMIT: How would you feel if that was chasing you?

ALEX: (after pondering for a second) Good point.

KERMIT: But what if we can't find him before the finale?

GEDDY: I guess we'll just have to do it without him.

KERMIT: Okay. (Despondently goes to the intercom and sighs) Stand by for "Limelight"

(cut to a dimly lit room...somewhere in The Muppet show theatre. Neil wanders around and sits down on a miscellaneous pile of clothes.)

ROBIN: (from under the pile) Hey!

NEIL: Oh wait! (Pulls Robin out from under the pile) Sorry, I didn't notice you there.

ROBIN: That's okay. Nobody ever notices me around here.

NEIL: Must be nice.

ROBIN: Nice? Why would it be nice? No matter what I do around here, nobody ever pays any attention to me. Even Uncle Kermit. Everyone just wants to be with folks that are bigger and fuzzier than me. (takes a closer look at Neil) Hey...are you Neil Peart?

NEIL: Yeah. (smiles)

ROBIN: Wow. (sighs enviously) I sure would like to be famous like you.

NEIL: Well, it's not that great all the time, you know. Nobody ever leaves you alone.

ROBIN: But everyone knows how great you are. People look at you and say, "There goes Neil Peart. What a cool guy." It must be neat to have lots of people think you're special.

NEIL: Well...(thinks for a second)...yeah, it is neat.

ROBIN: I wish I could be noticed like you.

NEIL: (smiling) Come on. (Stands up and picks up Robin)

ROBIN: Where are we going?

NEIL: To get noticed.

(cut to the front stage)

KERMIT: Once again, Ladies and Gentlemen, Rush! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!!!!!

(the curtains pull back to reveal a glittery stage with all the muppets lining the sides. Geddy and Alex stand there for a second with their instruments, looking a little resigned. Alex plays the opening riff to "Limelight" He looks up startled when he hears the opening drum beat kick in. He and Geddy whirl around to see Neil sitting behind his drums, playing happily. Sitting on his shoulder wearing a pair of groovy sunglasses is none other than Robin. Much happier, together again, Rush performs "Limelight" better than ever before)

(Since we all know the lyrics, lets just cut to the closing finale) (On stage is Kermit, the "Pigs in Space" cast, Animal, a few other muppets, Geddy, Alex, and Neil, who is happily signing a few autographs and teaching Animal how to twirl drumsticks in his fuzzy hands.)

KERMIT: Well that does it for the muppet show, but BEFORE we go! Lets give one last hand to RUSH! (cheers)

GEDDY: Thanks Kermit, we had a great time being here.

NEIL: Definately. I'm really sorry I freaked out before. Just 'cuz fans can be a little nuts is no reason not to play the music.

ALEX: (slapping Neil on the back) Well, it's great to have you back.

NEIL: Y'know, you should really be thanking Robin, he helped me see things in a new light. Say, where is Robin anyway?

ROBIN: COMING THROUGH!!!! (Robins runs across the stage. He is chased by a mob of cute little muppet girl frogs squealing "Robin! We love you!" Everybody watches the scene and laughs.)

KERMIT: Well, Good night everybody! (Everyone waves as the credits roll)

(And that's the end of the show...except for one last shot of the box seat)

*ya da-da da-da, Ya da-da da-da, ya da-da da-da-DA! drumroll*

(Shot of statler & waldorf's boxseat bathes in red light as we hear "ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION, WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL")

STATLER: Well we've assumed that we're never going to get out of this theatre!

S&W: OH HO HO H--

(cuts off as a laser beam blows up the box seat)

*ba da da da da....BOOOOOOM*